This article from the Publisher's Weekly website shows the sales pitch from the other side of the desk -- or funeral, examination table, operating room, and other highly inappropriate places where aspiring but oh-so-clueless authors have pitched their manuscripts to hapless (and sometimes helpless) editors: Weddings and Funerals and Everywhere in Between.
Consider yourself warned.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
How to get published, part 4: Send it off, start afresh
At last, we reach the final installment of this series. So far we've covered creating an actual piece of work (a factor that a surprising number of would-be writers tend to never get around to doing), editing the work, and finding someone to send your work off to.
Now, it's time to send your work off. But first, you must put it into a format that an agent or an editor wants to look at. You need to format the manuscript, then set about writing the dreaded query, cover letter, and either a synopsis (for novels) or a proposal (for nonfiction).
Manuscript formatting
Your manuscript must be machine-printed, either an old-fashioned typewriter (which I can't recommend personally, but some people are attached to theirs, and is fine so long as the keys are immaculate and the ribbon is crisp and fresh), or a modern word processor with an inkjet or laser printer. No exceptions.
Use a standard serif typeface, such as Times, Times New Roman, or Courier. Do NOT use fancy script, gothic, or any other typeface, even for the title. Use size 12 font. Double space. Leave at least 1" margins. Some editors like 1 1/4" margins on the right and left. Yes, it uses more paper, but it leaves more room for marking up the manuscript.
Use only plain white standard paper, the same stuff you put into copy machines. Don't go all out on bright white, glossy, cotton fiber, or heavy 24 lb stuff. It won't help. And do NOT go for any color other than plain white. Color not only won't help, it will hurt.
Put your name, address, phone number, email address, and the URL of your website if you have one (and if it's your author site, not the one with pictures of your dog or your last vacation) on the upper left-hand corner. If appropriate, put an approximate word count on the upper right-hand corner. This is often done with children's books. Space down about 1/3 of the way down the page, and put the title of the book, centered. Often it is done in all caps. Underneath, put "by" and then your name as you want it on the cover of the book. If you plan to publish under a pseudonym, you can put it here, or put, "Daphne Daisyfield (writing as Brick Quartermain)."
On the next page, go down about 1/3 of the way down the page, type "Chapter 1," then go down another two lines and begin your text.
Put in a header that contains the title (or a shortened version), your last name, and the page number. Or the page number can go in a footer at the bottom of the page. Just be sure that every page is numbered and identified as belonging to your book, just in case the editor's assistant drops a stack of manuscripts down the stairs and has to sort everything out again. It happens.
Query Letters
Read the submission guidelines very carefully. Some publishers prefer that you send query letters before you send anything else. Some want a query and sample chapters. Be prepared to send them what they want. Have everything you need prepared ahead of time: query, cover letter, synopsis, and all.
A query letter is a letter inquiring whether the agent or editor would like to read your book. Agents and editors get floods of these every day, so your task is to make your query letter as intriguing as possible without stepping out of the bounds of professionality. Your query letter is your sales pitch. It's your elevator speech: imagine that you just got into an elevator with that very same agent, who turns to you and says, "So you're an author -- tell me about your book." Quick! You have between now and the 20th floor to tell the agent what your book is about! What's THE most important point that the agent should know about your book? That's the substance of your query letter.
The way to learn to write queries is by reading many, many, many examples. Read the blurbs on the backs of books. Read what Miss Snark says about query letters in her Snarkives. Read How to Write a Successful Query Letter on Writing World.com. Read this example on Flogging the Quill. Read this example on Preditors and Editors. Get your mitts on a copy of How to Write Attention-Grabbing Query and Cover Letters by John Wood and How to Write Irresistible Query Letters by Lisa Collier Cool. Study these, then try submitting your query to Evil Editor, if ol' EE is still allowing people to do so, for a thorough rip 'n tear.
Cover Letter
A cover letter is the letter that accompanies your manuscript or sample chapters. If this is the first contact you are making, the cover letter is identical to the query letter. It's a sales pitch. If the agent or editor responded to an earlier query by asking to see your writing, the cover letter thanks the agent or editor for their response to your letter of such-and-such a date and for the opportunity to send the person your work, notes that said requested parts of the work are enclosed along with an SASE for their convenience, thanks them for their time, and says you hope to hear from them soon. Enclosed in the package is exactly what the person asked for, no more, no less, no bribes, no chocolate, no racy pictures.
Synopsis
The most dreaded part of novel writing is the synopsis. In under five pages, single-spaced, present tense, you must summarize your work AND make it sound so fascinating that the agent or editor can't put it down. Sometimes the synopsis must be even shorter. Some agents are so busy they don't want to see an synopsis longer than a page. Find out how long it needs to be and send exactly that. No fair shrinking the font or the margins. Reader can tell, because their eyestrain doubles.
The synopsis is not a place to leave your reader in suspense. Here you reveal all, from the brilliant set-up in chapter 1 to the astonishing twist at the end. The query is a teaser. The synopsis is a spoiler.
As with queries, learning to write a good synopsis requires reading examples and studying the advice of experts. Try Writing the Novel Synopsis by Sheila Kelly, Mastering the Dreaded Synopsis by Lee Masterson, and for examples, Romance Novel Synopsis by Dixie L. Gaspard and Victoria Dark.
For nonfiction, get your hands on Nonfiction Book Proposals Anyone Can Write by Elizabeth Lyon. The full proposal is an involved project that requires a good guide, and Ms. Lyon's book is one of the clearest guides on the market.
Putting it in the Mail
For query letters and anything that's no more than three pages, use a standard number 10 envelope. For short manuscripts, such as children's picture books, use a large manilla envelope that will allow you to send the manuscript flat. Your SASE can be another manilla envelope with enough postage to send the manuscript back, or a number 10 for a reply, with instructions in the cover letter to recycle the manuscript. For novels and nonfiction books, get a padded envelope large enough to slide the manuscript into easily without cramming it. Get the self-sealing bubble-wrap kind, not the kind filled with shredded paper that has to be stapled and gets paper fluff all over when the staples tear out. Enclose your manuscript and an SASE for replies. Take the package to the post office to get it properly weighed and to make sure you put on the right amount of postage. Don't take a chance on your package arriving postage due.
It's not an ending, it's a new beginning
Now that your manuscript is in the mail, don't go all neurotic waiting for a reply. Get busy on your next project and get that in the mail as soon as possible. Then the next, and the next, and the next. That's the only way to stay sane while waiting, and the only way to bring about the writing life you've been dreaming of.
Now get writing!
How to get published series
Now, it's time to send your work off. But first, you must put it into a format that an agent or an editor wants to look at. You need to format the manuscript, then set about writing the dreaded query, cover letter, and either a synopsis (for novels) or a proposal (for nonfiction).
Manuscript formatting
Your manuscript must be machine-printed, either an old-fashioned typewriter (which I can't recommend personally, but some people are attached to theirs, and is fine so long as the keys are immaculate and the ribbon is crisp and fresh), or a modern word processor with an inkjet or laser printer. No exceptions.
Use a standard serif typeface, such as Times, Times New Roman, or Courier. Do NOT use fancy script, gothic, or any other typeface, even for the title. Use size 12 font. Double space. Leave at least 1" margins. Some editors like 1 1/4" margins on the right and left. Yes, it uses more paper, but it leaves more room for marking up the manuscript.
Use only plain white standard paper, the same stuff you put into copy machines. Don't go all out on bright white, glossy, cotton fiber, or heavy 24 lb stuff. It won't help. And do NOT go for any color other than plain white. Color not only won't help, it will hurt.
Put your name, address, phone number, email address, and the URL of your website if you have one (and if it's your author site, not the one with pictures of your dog or your last vacation) on the upper left-hand corner. If appropriate, put an approximate word count on the upper right-hand corner. This is often done with children's books. Space down about 1/3 of the way down the page, and put the title of the book, centered. Often it is done in all caps. Underneath, put "by" and then your name as you want it on the cover of the book. If you plan to publish under a pseudonym, you can put it here, or put, "Daphne Daisyfield (writing as Brick Quartermain)."
On the next page, go down about 1/3 of the way down the page, type "Chapter 1," then go down another two lines and begin your text.
Put in a header that contains the title (or a shortened version), your last name, and the page number. Or the page number can go in a footer at the bottom of the page. Just be sure that every page is numbered and identified as belonging to your book, just in case the editor's assistant drops a stack of manuscripts down the stairs and has to sort everything out again. It happens.
Query Letters
Read the submission guidelines very carefully. Some publishers prefer that you send query letters before you send anything else. Some want a query and sample chapters. Be prepared to send them what they want. Have everything you need prepared ahead of time: query, cover letter, synopsis, and all.
A query letter is a letter inquiring whether the agent or editor would like to read your book. Agents and editors get floods of these every day, so your task is to make your query letter as intriguing as possible without stepping out of the bounds of professionality. Your query letter is your sales pitch. It's your elevator speech: imagine that you just got into an elevator with that very same agent, who turns to you and says, "So you're an author -- tell me about your book." Quick! You have between now and the 20th floor to tell the agent what your book is about! What's THE most important point that the agent should know about your book? That's the substance of your query letter.
The way to learn to write queries is by reading many, many, many examples. Read the blurbs on the backs of books. Read what Miss Snark says about query letters in her Snarkives. Read How to Write a Successful Query Letter on Writing World.com. Read this example on Flogging the Quill. Read this example on Preditors and Editors. Get your mitts on a copy of How to Write Attention-Grabbing Query and Cover Letters by John Wood and How to Write Irresistible Query Letters by Lisa Collier Cool. Study these, then try submitting your query to Evil Editor, if ol' EE is still allowing people to do so, for a thorough rip 'n tear.
Cover Letter
A cover letter is the letter that accompanies your manuscript or sample chapters. If this is the first contact you are making, the cover letter is identical to the query letter. It's a sales pitch. If the agent or editor responded to an earlier query by asking to see your writing, the cover letter thanks the agent or editor for their response to your letter of such-and-such a date and for the opportunity to send the person your work, notes that said requested parts of the work are enclosed along with an SASE for their convenience, thanks them for their time, and says you hope to hear from them soon. Enclosed in the package is exactly what the person asked for, no more, no less, no bribes, no chocolate, no racy pictures.
Synopsis
The most dreaded part of novel writing is the synopsis. In under five pages, single-spaced, present tense, you must summarize your work AND make it sound so fascinating that the agent or editor can't put it down. Sometimes the synopsis must be even shorter. Some agents are so busy they don't want to see an synopsis longer than a page. Find out how long it needs to be and send exactly that. No fair shrinking the font or the margins. Reader can tell, because their eyestrain doubles.
The synopsis is not a place to leave your reader in suspense. Here you reveal all, from the brilliant set-up in chapter 1 to the astonishing twist at the end. The query is a teaser. The synopsis is a spoiler.
As with queries, learning to write a good synopsis requires reading examples and studying the advice of experts. Try Writing the Novel Synopsis by Sheila Kelly, Mastering the Dreaded Synopsis by Lee Masterson, and for examples, Romance Novel Synopsis by Dixie L. Gaspard and Victoria Dark.
For nonfiction, get your hands on Nonfiction Book Proposals Anyone Can Write by Elizabeth Lyon. The full proposal is an involved project that requires a good guide, and Ms. Lyon's book is one of the clearest guides on the market.
Putting it in the Mail
For query letters and anything that's no more than three pages, use a standard number 10 envelope. For short manuscripts, such as children's picture books, use a large manilla envelope that will allow you to send the manuscript flat. Your SASE can be another manilla envelope with enough postage to send the manuscript back, or a number 10 for a reply, with instructions in the cover letter to recycle the manuscript. For novels and nonfiction books, get a padded envelope large enough to slide the manuscript into easily without cramming it. Get the self-sealing bubble-wrap kind, not the kind filled with shredded paper that has to be stapled and gets paper fluff all over when the staples tear out. Enclose your manuscript and an SASE for replies. Take the package to the post office to get it properly weighed and to make sure you put on the right amount of postage. Don't take a chance on your package arriving postage due.
It's not an ending, it's a new beginning
Now that your manuscript is in the mail, don't go all neurotic waiting for a reply. Get busy on your next project and get that in the mail as soon as possible. Then the next, and the next, and the next. That's the only way to stay sane while waiting, and the only way to bring about the writing life you've been dreaming of.
Now get writing!
How to get published series
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Movie Cliches
Our household subscription to Netflix brings a regular round of digital video entertainment to suit our eclectic tastes. What, I wonder, can be said about a couple who enjoy Jane Austen movies, samurai movies, film noir, Buster Keaton, and the entire Hercule Poirot series?
Yet in movie after movie, the same cliches turn up with tiresome regularity. Maybe it's just the storyteller formula showing up. But I'm sure you all recognize these movie cliches, and can list more that I've missed:
Yet in movie after movie, the same cliches turn up with tiresome regularity. Maybe it's just the storyteller formula showing up. But I'm sure you all recognize these movie cliches, and can list more that I've missed:
- Spaceships are always fully-armed, make a rumbling noise in space as they travel, and their weaponry causes audible explosions.
- A thousand bad guys, armed to the teeth, firing rapid-fire automatic weapons at the good guy, can't hit him even though he's running across a mile of open ground, dressed in street clothes or formal attire. However, the good guy can hit any bad guy he chooses, even while running in formal attire across open ground with a thousand bad guys firing at him.
- When the villain runs out of bullets in his revolver, he will click the trigger three times, then throw the revolver.
- When running away from a speeding car, rolling giant boulder, or similar oncoming danger, people always run directly in front of it instead of darting to the side to get away.
- Even in nylons, a dress, and high-heels, the heroine can outrun the bad guys, and can usually out-gun them.
- At the point of death, the dying person always has breath enough to gasp a coherent conversation, then collapses peacefully. If about to name his or her attacker, the dying person collapses mid-sentence. The hero/heroine then gently closes the person's eyes.
- A highly-competent detective can't solve the biggest crime of his career until his boss fires him for obsessing over it -- then he goes all-out to hunt down the villain.
- Only bad-guys play cruel tricks on people, shoot innocent people, or use booby-traps -- and good guys only do those things to bad guys.
- In a mystery, the non-main-character who claims to know who the murderer is, but has a few more facts to check before announcing the name, will die in the next scene.
- Native Americans, Australian Aborigines, and similar indigenous groups in modern movies are always wise, possess mystic powers, and can commune with nature. In modern movies, they are as invariably the good guys as in old films the are invariably either the bad guys or the comic relief.
- In family films, men are clownish, women are much smarter than men, and children are much smarter than either parent, as well as being smart-mouthed and highly technologically competent.
- Plain girls always wear their hair in a bun and wear glasses. As soon as they take off their glasses and let their hair down, they're gorgeous.
- In a scary movie, whenever there is a door that should not be opened, a room that should not be entered, or a cave, cellar, or tomb emitting odd noises that would cause rational persons to turn away, a minor character will always enter, and will be killed.
- Cars involved in accidents explode violently -- except in comic action movies, where car chase scenes involve smashing dozens of cars, but without a single fatality.
- A main character, when pursued by villains, will all too often go up some tall structure, where he is forced to fight the bad guys at dizzying heights. Was he expecting to out-climb them? Or to find an escape route at the top?
- If there is some huge, whirring, grinding machine in an action film, someone will end up falling into it -- and if the villain deliberately feeds an innocent victim into the machine early in the movie, he will surely die the same way by the end.
- When main characters defuse a bomb, it will always have a digital timer that will always stop at the last possible second.
- Computers are always operated by typing on a keyboard, which always makes a clacking sound. Hollywood does not seem to have heard of the mouse.
- Characters who announce they are looking forward to retirement, their 50th anniversary, or similar long-awaited celebration will either die or have the celebration disrupted.
- No meal that the main characters sit down to is never finished.
- When the villain captures the hero, rather than simply shoot him in the head and get it over with, the villain admits his guilt, tells the whole story, then sets in motion an elaborate device to kill the hero, and walks away, allowing the hero time to escape and time for any of the hero's allies to arrive.
- People in all cultures speak English. If the movie is a period piece, they speak English with one or more British accents. All except henchmen, who speak in some vague accent that could be Russian, Arabic, or a blend of both.
- Ventilation shafts are always large enough to accommodate adult humans, are clean, and always go where the hero needs to go.
- A blow to the head with a heavy object knocks a main character out, yet they always recover with no skull fracture and no brain damage. Not even a concussion. If the person knocked over the head is an unnamed guard, they will always fall unconscious for any length of time convenient for the hero.
- If a lead man and lead woman fight and bicker in the first half hour of the movie, they will fall in love or fall in bed (not necessarily in that order) before the end.
- All evil villains have henchmen who obey their every command without question. Most of the henchmen don't have names or speaking parts.
- In action movies, the hero and villain will meet face-to-face for hand-to-hand combat.
- A female character, when being chased, will keep looking over her shoulder to see how close the bad guys are, even though it obviously slows her down.
- No matter how far the good guy falls, no matter how hard of a blow he takes, no matter how hard he is kicked, he'll still won't die soon after from massive internal bleeding. If the fight is late in the movie, he will rise up, and find the strength to pummel his opponents into the dust.
- When the villain cuts the phone line, cutting off the hero or heroine who is calling for help, the telephone will more often than not emit a dial tone. And of course the character doesn't carry a cell phone.
- Regardless of what damage the hero does to public places and no matter how many traffic laws and laws about discharge of firearms he breaks, he will never be arrested for these. If he is arrested, it will be on trumped-up charges arranged by the villain.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Friday Finds
A few cool writing finds from across the web:
- Language is a Virus: Some cool word scramblers and random word generators. Fun n' games for chronic procrastinators.
- Common Errrors in English Usage: Finally a quick, online reference to solve the that/which and who/whom questions.
- Booktrust: A U.K. charity that supports literacy, and gets books into the hands of kids. What writer wouldn't want to support a program that creates more readers?
- Absolute Write: Not a new find, but one that all writers should know about.
- Writerisms and Other Sins: On the SFWA site, a concise article about line-editing your prose.
New look
Were you tired of reading white text on a black background? Black does make a statement, but white on black makes your eyes cross, doesn't it? Tan looked okay, but was a bit dark and didn't fit the color scheme. Let's try deep blue for a while, shall we?
A Publisher from Hell
Authors for this small press:
Better Be Write
recently received this charming email from the publisher:
Just makes you want to jump up and mail in your next submission to this company that claims to be very author-centric.
The person who aired this letter to friends, and the place in which it was aired, will remain anonymous.
Better Be Write
recently received this charming email from the publisher:
What the hell is wrong with some of you? First of all, those of you that have books out are acting like you are on a damn vacation. You came to me wanting a career in writing. Was it all a farce? You just wanted to see your one book in print and I, the sucker, fell for it? Everyone of you told me what you were going to do to promote your books, to push your books, how you were going to be on TV and radio, and how you wanted your books to be in the top ten. What happened to that?
I have to put our brochure out and some of you have not done your next book; some do not want to write any more books, using me as the excuse; some are just throwing crap at me for me to publish, as if you have no time to do it. If I, who is very ill, can keep going and trying to get you to the top, how dare you give up? How dare you put me to the background of your life? Do you not realize that you will be giving up your careers as I have to see anything that you want to publish so your careers can be shot to hell??? I want to know WHY YOU ARE BLOWING YOUR CAREERS AS AUTHORS!!!!! You owe me that! One of you wants to quit when their book has the highest ranking of all of you!!
I just do not understand. You do not want to be authors. You are G_damned liars! No guts! Did you think that this was going to be easy?? I might as well have taken that $100,000 and gone to Europe! If you are serious about being an author, then get your asses in gear NOW! If not, I will sell your contracts and your books to another publisher who will probably be a POD publisher and you will never be able to get that label off your back with any real publishers. If you think I am kidding, I am not! That was my savings account to open this company and I chose you people. What a freakin let down. You all have one month to do what you are supposed to be doing, and I want proof or so help me God I will recoup some of my money through a POD publisher.
Just makes you want to jump up and mail in your next submission to this company that claims to be very author-centric.
The person who aired this letter to friends, and the place in which it was aired, will remain anonymous.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
English Lessons
If you haven't seen this bit of internet lore, that used to be photocopy lore, that used to be ditto sheet lore, here again in all its glory:
Rules for Writing
Rules for Writing
- Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
- Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
- And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
- It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
- Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
- Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
- Be more or less specific.
- Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
- Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
- No sentence fragments.
- Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
- Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
- Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
- One should NEVER generalize.
- Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
- Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
- One-word sentences? Eliminate.
- Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
- The passive voice is to be ignored.
- Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
- Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
- Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
- Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
- Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
- If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
- Puns are for children, not groan readers.
- Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
- Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
- Who needs rhetorical questions?
- Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
- Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
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